This week has gone by quickly. My days in the Bodega have been more enjoyable than last but much dirtier. The back shelves are mice infested. What made this week’s work even nicer was taking part in the food distribution.

My head is still swimming over the reality of our new life. The sights and smells and responsibilities are all different.

The ways of God are more than mysterious sometimes...they are frustrating and confusing. You commit. You sacrifice. And you wait and wait. To me, our desire to go to India was God-given. The circumstances surrounding our decision to go there came together so nicely. Why would God want us to "waste" time here in Virginia when we could be helping orphans?

I have always had an activist nature. Ever since I wrote to George Bush, Sr., when I was eleven and asked him to uphold the constitution, I have had a sneaking suspicion that if I just shouted loud enough the world would listen. Do not ask me where this optimism came from; the subsequent tragedies and continued atrocities speak against this deep-seated knowledge.

You'd think that I would be relishing a whole summer off. No work. No mornings earlier than I want them to be. No stressful children to deal with at school. Well, this is me: I'm longing for accomplishments born out of hard work and a night where I feel exhausted from real, physical labor. That's why, right now, I can't wait to be in India.

Last night we watched a documentary on Islam. I was expecting the experts interviewed to give historical facts but to belittle religion in general. You know…something like, “Muhammad’s visions came as a result of his philosophical nature and his desire to infuse this life with meaning.

Psalm 145:5 

Lately, I have been in an intellectual drought. Without the motivation of college deadlines, my pursuit of knowledge has dwindled to a monthly reading of National Geographic. My lack of growth has been bothering me. Am I going to become dumb and uninformed? Just this morning my worries took a new twist as I read the chapter entitled, “Talents,” in E.G. White’s book Christ’s Object Lessons. Here she proclaims the mental faculties as a gift from God that needs to be continuously improved upon. My new question is “Am I dishonoring God by not educating myself?” In light of this, I have developed this tentative action plan. The one nagging worry left is whether I will pursue knowledge for God or my own ego. I want to be enlightened for Him not me. How can I mitigate against this potential?

There is a difference between having the kingdom within you and being the kingdom yourself. If I am my own kingdom, if the nuances of my brain and personality are all there is to look forward to, an eternal march of what I already am, then shoot me. Where’s the pleasure in knowing that hope is the most hopeless enterprise imaginable? Hope is in change, the irrepressible certainty that tomorrow will be different than today.

It seems to me that if skeptical intelligentsia think that the unearthing of more Gnostic gospels will shatter Christianity as we know it, then they are more deluded than I thought. Even if both strains of gospel accounts are simply “perspectives,” I will choose the accepted four.